Many women want to complain that a good man is hard to find or that all good ones are forgiven. But is that really true, or do women simply overlook the “nice guy”?
Dating and relationships are complicated. And for us guys, it’s hard to figure out what women are looking for and what they are reacting to. People say, “Just be yourself,” and while I totally agree, what if you’re a “nice guy”? Are you really destined to come last and lose to the flashier, more exciting “bad boy”?
Of course, a lot depends on the woman where you are in your life and the general attraction for one another.
That being said, however, there are a few common mistakes nice guys make that can break a potential relationship if you’re not careful.
Where nice guys have to watch out
Because you’re a nice guy, you are probably very careful to treat the woman you are interested in well as you should be. But if you go too far with your nice traits, it can backfire.
Here are a few areas where nice guys need to be careful and be aware of their own behavior.
1. Stop thinking and exaggerating too much
Trying too hard when it comes to romance feels desperate and can seem needy. It can also scare women (really anyone) off. No need to send two dozen roses if you do, or go to a fancy dinner every weekend if you cook at home, or a picnic in the park would be just as welcome.
When you date and get to know each other, the time you spend together is essential to getting to know each other. If you are just trying to impress her, she will never really find out who you really are.
2. You don’t have to pay for everything
Today women are more independent and self-sufficient than ever. And they don’t want to feel obliged to any man. So while it is fair to pay for dinner if it was by your invitation, she graciously says thank you when serving treats for dessert or offering to pay for other adventures. There should be a graceful give and take when it comes to covering the cost of having fun together.
3. Your feelings are also important
One of the biggest mistakes nice guys make is always putting their feelings and comforts last. You do not deserve to be exploited and your time and efforts should be respected. So, if she’s being rude, always late, leaving you for her friends, or assuming you’re ready for her on call, stop doing that.
If you don’t, she’ll lose respect for you and you will likely lose respect for yourself too. And if she’s that woman, then chances are your long-term best is to break ties and move on.
4. She doesn’t always have to be in charge
Do you visit museums every weekend or do you immerse yourself in the diverse works of Emily Bronte ‘? Well, it’s good for you to be ready, but make sure there is a balance between your interests and yours.
You both should enjoy your time together, which means that you have to experience the things you enjoy too. Remember when asked “What should we do tonight?” Question arises. She shouldn’t be the only one answering, and you don’t have to agree with everything she says.
5. Yes, you shouldn’t agree
Nice guys don’t want to offend anyone, especially not the women they care about. Hence, it may be too easy for you to accept everything, or just to be okay with everything. Stop. Women value men who express their own opinions and who can express themselves. In fact, differing views and discussing them can be an interesting and enriching part of a relationship.
And yes, you will have an argument at some point. That’s fine too. Relationships grow when you can overcome adversity together. Just remember that regardless of the debate or disagreement, respect for her (or you) should never be compromised.
6. At some point you have to make a difference
One of the scariest things for many men is their first kiss and the steps toward an intimate relationship. This is where you have to rely on the signals and interest she gives, but at some point when things are going well she wants you to kiss her.
Perhaps start by holding her hand, sitting close, touching her hair, and from there gauging her reaction. Lots of nice guys are so afraid of being “that guy”, of being rejected, or of making her feel like they just want sex that they don’t realize that women are looking forward to getting close to them and wanting to become.
Of course, all of these things will take their own form depending on the relationship. The biggest thing nice guys tend to ignore is the importance of being confident about who they are and what they are adding to a relationship.
What a nice guy should never give up
Well that’s an easy one. To be nice. Nobody wants to be with an idiot.
Being nice is really not an obligation. In fact, nice guys are really good at treating women well and with respect, two things women really appreciate. In addition, “nice guys” naturally also have the following characteristics:
- care, support
- Emotionally expressive
All things that are valued and valued in a partner.
The bottom line is that there is nothing wrong with being a “nice guy” at all, as long as it doesn’t come from a place of insecurity or self-doubt. The combination of assertive and confident behavior with the attributes of a “nice guy” can actually be a really winning combination.
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Author: Dr. Kurt Smith
Dr. Kurt Smith is the clinical director of Guy Stuff Counseling & Coaching, a Northern California counseling practice that specializes in helping the men and women they love. His expertise lies in understanding men, their partners, and the unique relationship challenges couples face today. Dr. Kurt is a lover of dogs, sarcasm, anything outdoors, and helps those improve their relationships.